September 16, 2026
Dear Journal,
I have discovered something today that I am almost embarrassed to admit.
We went snipe hunting.
Yes, dear Journal.
Snipe hunting.
And if you don't know what a snipe is, apparently neither do we.
It all started this morning when Kiwi came flying into the living room carrying an old flashlight.
"EVERYBODY GET READY!"
Peanut didn't even look up.
"Ready for what?"
"SNIPE HUNTING!"
I sat up.
"The birds?"
Kiwi nodded enthusiastically.
"Yes!"
"The actual birds?"
"Absolutely!"
Peanut finally looked up.
"Kiwi, you are a bird."
"I KNOW! That's why I'm an expert!"
Before I could ask any more questions, there was a knock at the door.
It was Gracie.
And right behind her came the Ghost of Maybelline, floating through the doorway.
"What are we doing?" Gracie asked.
"We're hunting snipes," I explained.
Maybelline stared at us.
Then she started laughing.
"Oh, this is going to be good."
THE SNIPE-HUNTING EXPEDITION
Peanut decided that every serious expedition needs equipment.
So we gathered:
- Flashlights
- Blankets
- Buckets
- Nets
- Binoculars
- A cooler
- Three bags of dog treats
- Two bags of sunflower seeds
- And approximately seventeen completely unnecessary pieces of equipment Kiwi insisted we needed.
The Quackers brought two fishing nets.
I asked why.
"We don't know," they said.
"Good answer."
Kiwi had somehow acquired a whistle.
"What's that for?" I asked.
"Calling the snipes."
He blew it.
FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!
Every bird in the neighborhood took off.
Kiwi looked pleased.
"See? They're responding!"
"No," Peanut said. "They're fleeing."
We headed into the woods just outside Morgantown.
Maybelline floated ahead of us.
"Remember," she said, "snipe hunting is usually done at night."
Kiwi looked worried.
"Why?"
"Because snipes are nocturnal."
Kiwi immediately put on sunglasses.
"Good thing I brought these."
"It is nighttime," Peanut said.
"Exactly."
We reached our hunting area.
Peanut had a plan.
She and Gracie would hide behind some bushes.
I would sit near a tree.
The Quackers would stand in a clearing holding their nets.
Kiwi would fly overhead looking for snipes.
And Maybelline would float around looking spooky.
"What do I do?" I asked.
Peanut handed me a bucket.
"Wait."
"For what?"
"Snipes."
"What do they look like?"
Peanut paused.
"I don't know."
"Excellent."
We waited.
And waited.
And waited.
The woods became completely quiet.
Suddenly, something rustled in the bushes.
The Quackers froze.
Kiwi whispered,
"TARGET!"
He flew toward the bushes.
The Quackers threw their nets.
Gracie jumped forward.
I jumped backward.
Peanut jumped onto a log.
Maybelline floated through the entire scene.
And out of the bushes came...
A raccoon.
Everyone stared at it.
The raccoon stared at everyone.
Kiwi pointed.
"That's a snipe!"
"No, it isn't."
"IT COULD BE!"
The raccoon grabbed a cracker and ran away.
Peanut shook her head.
"Well, at least someone got dinner."
About twenty minutes later, we heard another noise.
Rustle... rustle...
Kiwi whispered:
"Snipe."
The Quackers whispered:
"Snipe."
Gracie whispered:
"Are you sure?"
Kiwi nodded.
"One hundred percent."
We all got ready.
The noise got louder.
Then something jumped out.
It was...
a plastic grocery bag blowing through the woods.
Kiwi stared at it.
"That was a very advanced snipe."
Peanut finally lost her patience.
"KIWI!"
Then Maybelline decided to demonstrate how it's done.
She floated into the woods.
Everyone waited.
A few seconds later, we heard her voice.
"I FOUND ONE!"
Everyone ran toward her.
Maybelline was pointing at...
a squirrel.
"It's not a snipe," I said.
"I know."
"Then why did you call us?"
"I wanted to see how fast you could run."
She started laughing.
We had been ghost-pranked.
By midnight, we had caught exactly zero snipes.
We had, however, caught:
One raccoon.
Well...
We didn't actually catch it.
It caught a cracker.
And then escaped.
We also caught:
Two plastic bags.
One stick.
Three leaves.
A moth.
And Kiwi's hat.
Which he had accidentally thrown into the woods.
Finally, Peanut called everyone together.
"Okay. We need to admit it."
"Admit what?" Kiwi asked.
"We don't know what a snipe looks like."
Kiwi thought about this.
"Maybe the real snipes were the friends we made along the way."
Everyone stared at him.
"That was surprisingly profound," Gracie said.
Kiwi nodded.
"Thank you."
Then he added:
"Also, I found a birdhouse. I think that's a snipe condo."
Peanut walked away.
We packed everything up and started heading home.
As we walked, Maybelline floated beside me.
"You know," she said, "I've been around a long time."
"I know."
"I've seen some pretty strange things."
"I believe you."
"But this..."
She looked at Kiwi, who was carrying three nets, a flashlight, and a bucket.
"...this is probably the strangest."
I couldn't disagree.
When we got home, everyone was exhausted.
The Quackers immediately fell asleep.
Gracie curled up on the couch.
Peanut disappeared into her favorite chair.
Maybelline floated through the wall and said she was going to haunt Kiwi's dreams.
Kiwi climbed onto his perch.
"Tomorrow," he announced, "we're going squirrel hunting."
Peanut's eyes opened.
"Don't you dare."
Kiwi smiled.
"I'll need bigger nets."
I think I'm going to hide the nets.
Until next time, dear Journal...
If anyone asks whether we caught a snipe tonight, the official answer is absolutely yes.
We just have no idea what it looked like.
Paws, feathers, quacks, ghostly giggles, and one very empty snipe bucket,
Lucy 🐾
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