February 18th
Dear Journal,
Today started like most ambitious project days around here… with Kiwi declaring, “We are behind schedule.”
Behind schedule for what, you ask?
The Great Backyard Waterfall Project of 2026, of course.
Kiwi has been talking about this waterfall since last fall. Peanut pretends he’s not invested, but I caught him staring at the backyard this morning like a tiny striped foreman calculating soil displacement.
The Problem: We Need a Backhoe
Kiwi announced from atop the curtain rod:
“Lucy, waterfalls do not dig themselves.”
Peanut flicked his tail and added,
“Also, we are not hand-digging anything. I have paws. Not excavators.”
Fair point.
So the crew gathered:
Kiwi (Project Manager / Airborne Supervisor)
Peanut (Heavy Equipment Inspector / Nap Consultant)
The Quackers (Unionized Observers, easily distracted)
Me (Clearly the only one with opposable thumbs)
Attempt #1 – Borrow One
Kiwi insisted we “just borrow one.”
From whom? No idea.
Peanut tried calling the neighbor by sitting on my phone.
The Quackers suggested we “trade shiny things.”
We do not have shiny things.
We have bottle caps and a missing sock.
Attempt #2 – Peanut Becomes the Backhoe
This was Peanut’s idea.
He marched outside, dug one (1) hole approximately the size of a cereal bowl, and then flopped dramatically onto his side.
“This is exhausting,” she declared.
“Also, I may have struck bedrock.”
It was a tree root.
Kiwi circled overhead yelling,
“You are inefficient machinery!”
Peanut did not appreciate this feedback.
The Breakthrough
After several minutes of chaotic online searching (and Kiwi typing entirely in caps), we somehow ended up on Temu.
And there it was.
A backhoe.
A very small backhoe.
Like… suspiciously small.
The Quackers gasped in synchronized deja vu.
“Have we ordered questionable equipment from here before?” they whispered.
Peanut squinted at the screen.
“Does it come in tiger stripe?”
Kiwi zoomed in on the listing photo.
It might have been a children’s ride-on toy.
But it did say “Heavy Duty.”
Technically.
The Hijinx
Kiwi accidentally added 14 of them to the cart.
Peanut laid across the keyboard and applied a coupon code that may or may not have been “MEOW10.”
The Quackers somehow signed us up for promotional emails in Mandarin.
At one point, the page refreshed and everything was priced in a currency none of us recognized.
I briefly considered abandoning the waterfall project entirely.
The Final Decision
After much debate, tail flicking, wing flapping, and one accidental order cancellation, we settled on a “Compact Utility Excavator.”
Will it arrive?
Will it be full-sized?
Will it be dollhouse scale?
Only time will tell.
Kiwi is confident.
Peanut is skeptical.
The Quackers are emotionally preparing for disappointment.
As for me?
I’m just hoping we didn’t order 14 neon-pink sand toys.
Until tomorrow,
Lucy
