Lucy’s Journal – April 22, 2026
Dear Journal,
Today started out as one of those “this is either going to be a great idea or a terrible idea” kind of days… and honestly, I still haven’t decided which one it was.
It all began when I announced to everyone that we were putting in a garden out back. Not a normal garden, though. Oh no. We were going to grow useful things. Delicious things. Revolutionary things.
“Pepperoni rolls,” I said proudly.
Kiwi tilted his head like I’d finally lost it. Peanut just blinked slowly, which I’ve learned means, this is going to be chaos and I’m here for it.
The Quackers? They didn’t ask questions. They immediately grabbed… well, I’m not sure where they got tiny shovels, but suddenly they had them and were marching toward the backyard like a construction crew that quacks instead of talks.
Within minutes, the yard looked like we were searching for buried treasure.
I supervised.
(Important role.)
We dug up a nice big patch of dirt, and I carefully explained the planting process:
Step 1: Bury pepperoni.
Step 2: Bury rolls.
Step 3: Wait for nature to do its thing.
Kiwi kept insisting that’s “not how agriculture works,” but I reminded him that he once tried to hide sunflower seeds in the couch cushions to “grow a snack couch,” so I wasn’t taking criticism.
Peanut helped by batting pepperoni slices into the holes… and occasionally eating the evidence.
The Quackers, meanwhile, had gone completely rogue.
Instead of following the pepperoni-roll plan, they had formed a very serious assembly line and were planting pickles. Just… whole pickles. One after another.
I asked what they were doing, and they all stopped, looked at me, and gave one very firm, unified:
“Quack.”
Which I’m pretty sure means, mind your business.
At one point, I decided to improve the garden by introducing bacon bits.
“Imagine it,” I said. “A bacon bit bush. We’d never have to buy salad toppings again.”
Kiwi nearly fell off the fence.
Peanut seemed supportive until he realized bacon bits weren’t immediately edible in large quantities (he tested this thoroughly).
We covered everything up, patted the dirt down, and stood back to admire our work.
Our beautiful, confusing garden.
Rows of future pepperoni rolls.
A mysterious pickle patch run entirely by ducks.
And one experimental section labeled “bacon bits (pending).”
If this works, we’re geniuses.
If it doesn’t… we’re still probably going to dig it all up and eat whatever we find anyway.
Either way, I’m calling today a success.
Now we wait.
—Lucy
Lucy’s Journal – Harvest Day (a.k.a. The Moment of Truth)
Dear Journal,
Today… we harvested the garden.
I woke up feeling confident. Excited. Possibly even a little famous, because I was pretty sure we had invented agriculture 2.0.
Kiwi, however, had the look of someone preparing to say “I told you so” at least twelve times.
Peanut stretched, yawned, and immediately walked outside like, let’s see what snacks grew overnight.
The Quackers were already out there. Of course they were. Standing in a neat little row. Watching the garden.
Guarding it.
From what? Not sure. Possibly from us.
We gathered around our masterpiece:
- The Pepperoni Roll Patch
- The Pickle Zone (Quacker-operated)
- The Bacon Bits (Pending… still)
I grabbed the first shovel.
“Moment of truth,” I said.
I dug into the pepperoni roll section… slowly… dramatically… like I was uncovering buried treasure.
And what did we find?
Not pepperoni rolls.
Not even close.
Just… dirt. Slightly greasier dirt. And one very questionable piece of pepperoni that Peanut immediately tried to eat before Kiwi smacked it away.
“Well,” Kiwi said, puffing up a bit, “as I have been explaining—”
“Next section!” I interrupted.
We moved on to the pickle patch.
Now THIS is where things got interesting.
The Quackers rushed in, shoving us aside (rude), and began digging like their lives depended on it.
And somehow…
Somehow…
There were MORE pickles.
Not grown. Not attached to anything. Just… buried pickles. More than we remembered planting.
The Quackers were thrilled.
They started tossing pickles around, quacking like they had just discovered gold. One of them even hugged a pickle. I didn’t know that was possible, but it happened.
Peanut grabbed one and ran off like he’d won a prize.
Kiwi just stared and said, “That’s not how plants work. That’s not how anything works.”
I’m choosing to count that as a partial success.
Then came the bacon bits section.
We all leaned in.
I dug carefully.
Nothing.
Dug deeper.
Still nothing.
Not a single bacon bit sprout.
I sat back and sighed. “The dream… is gone.”
Peanut checked anyway. Thoroughly. Just in case.
The Quackers offered me a consolation pickle.
Kiwi looked very satisfied.
BUT—
I have a new theory.
Maybe bacon bits don’t grow in spring.
Maybe they’re a fall crop.
Or… maybe… we need to water them with ranch dressing.
I haven’t ruled anything out yet.
So yes, technically, the garden didn’t work.
But also?
We now have a pile of slightly dirt-flavored pepperoni, an overwhelming number of mystery pickles, and a brand new plan for next season.
I’m calling it:
Garden 2.0 – Now With Science
Kiwi says he’s in charge of the science this time.
We’ll see about that.
—Lucy
