Written by Kiwi the Green Cheek Conure & Peanut the Gray Tiger Cat
Dear Journal,
We regret to inform everyone that Dad George has apparently reached a new level of forgetfulness.
And once again, the responsibility of keeping this household functioning has fallen upon the two most intelligent residents of the house:
Kiwi, the Green Cheek Conure
and
Peanut, the Gray Tiger Cat.
Honestly, we're starting to wonder if Dad would remember his own name if it wasn't written on approximately seventeen different pieces of paperwork.
It all started when Dad wandered into a room and immediately stopped.
He stood there.
And stood there.
And stood there.
Finally, Peanut looked at him and said, "What are you looking for?"
Dad replied, "I don't remember."
That was the moment Peanut and I exchanged the look.
You know the look.
The "Oh no, here we go again" look.
So naturally, we had to step up.
Peanut immediately appointed herself Director of Household Memory. She began following Dad around the house, meowing loudly anytime he appeared to forget what he was doing.
I, of course, took on the important responsibility of Reminder Management.
Every few minutes, I yelled:
"DAD!"
He would look at me.
Then I would yell:
"WHAT?!"
Unfortunately, neither of us knew what he was supposed to remember, but we felt the system was working beautifully.
At one point, Dad was looking for something that was literally sitting directly in front of him.
Peanut was sitting beside it.
I was sitting above it.
Dad looked everywhere except where the item actually was.
Under the couch.
On the table.
In the kitchen.
Back to the living room.
Then Peanut finally got so disgusted she walked over and placed one paw directly on the missing item.
Dad looked down.
"Oh! There it is!"
Peanut just stared at him.
No thank you.
No bonus treats.
Nothing.
The disrespect.
Later, I overheard Peanut mumbling something about creating a George Tracking System.
She wants a whiteboard with categories including:
- What Dad Was Doing
- What Dad Forgot
- Where Dad Put It
- Where Dad Thinks He Put It
- Where It Actually Is
- Whether Kiwi Screamed About It
- Whether Peanut Had To Save The Day
I think this is an excellent idea.
In fact, I suggested we expand the operation and start charging consulting fees.
Peanut could be the Chief Executive Officer.
I would obviously be Vice President of Loud Announcements.
Dad would be our client.
His first consultation would be free.
After that, payment would be accepted in sunflower seeds, cat treats, and possibly pizza crust.
Despite all of our complaining, we suppose we'll continue taking care of Dad. Someone has to make sure he remembers where he left his phone, what room he was going into, and why he opened the refrigerator.
Being a responsible green cheek conure and gray tiger cat is exhausting work.
But that's what family does.
Even if certain family members require a two-animal executive management team to keep their lives organized.
So Dad, if you're reading this, please remember:
We love you.
We're just disappointed.
Also, Peanut would like her Director of Household Memory paycheck immediately.
And I would like snacks.
Lots and lots of snacks.
Until next time,
Kiwi 🦜
Vice President of Loud Reminders
and
Peanut 🐈
Director of Finding Things Dad Is Standing Right Next To
P.S. Dad, if you forgot where you put your glasses, check your head first.
