You Know when you are a drunk when...

Enjoy



You have ten ice cube trays in your freezer and they’re all empty.

You have made cocktails with ice chiseled from the inner walls of your freezer.

When the guy at the door yelled, “Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms,” you assumed it was someone bringing more supplies.

You inform the arresting officer that gravity is the only law you feel compelled to obey.

You take pub crawls very literally.

Crying in your beer increases its alcohol content.

You’ve invented a Sesame Street drinking game so you can spend more time with your kids.

You start your morning by reaching to the night stand, picking up your phone, pressing re-dial, and apologizing to whoever answers.

Some bastard always manages to slip a Mickey Finn in your 30th drink.

You regularly shout constructive criticism to the winos holding cardboard signs on street corners, e.g.: “It’s too political! You’re alienating half your demographic!”

All your finest athletic feats were executed after six or more drinks.

Your golf bag contains more beer than clubs.

You complain to friends that you “got really sober last night.” ¸

—FKR, Barcillo, Chopper, Brian Normant, Mike White, F. Odin