Lucy's Journal

Lucy’s Journal – “Operation Incoming Fresh Meat”

Dear Journal,

It’s me, Lucy. White and tan Shih Tzu. Strategic mastermind. World-class mischief coordinator. And today, I’m hatching my greatest plan yet.

This morning I was sprawled out on the porch, watching the street, when Kiwi the Green Cheek Conure flapped down to sit beside me. She had that gleam in her eye that means chaos is coming.

“Lucy,” he chirped, “did you know all the new students are moving back into town next week?”

My ears perked up. I know this time of year — streets get busy, sidewalks get crowded, and all sorts of humans lug boxes and bags around like distracted ants. Perfect targets.

“What’s your angle?” I asked, wagging slowly.

“Dive bombing,” Kiwi said matter-of-factly. “I’ll swoop from above, you hit from the ground. Classic pincer movement.”

I nearly choked on my own excitement. We spent the next hour planning. Kiwi would hide in the maple tree and watch for an overloaded student — preferably one with a coffee in hand. The moment she spotted them, he’d let out our signal call: “CAWW-CAWW!” (It’s actually more of a screech, but it works.) Then he’d dive straight at their head, flapping wildly and making that “I’m about to steal your soul” bird face.

While they flailed and ducked, I’d charge in from the sidewalk, barking like I’d just spotted a squirrel wearing a gold crown. My job? Zig-zag through their legs, tug at a shoelace if possible, and make them spin in circles. If we timed it right, they’d drop something — and if it was food, even better.

We ran a practice drill on Mr. Thompson when he came back from the store. He didn’t drop his groceries, but Kiwi did manage to make him yell “GOOD LORD!” loud enough to scare three pigeons away. I call that a win.

Tomorrow is the first real day of move-in weekend. Kiwi says we should be in position by sunrise, because that’s when the sleepy ones are easiest to confuse. I’ve been practicing my “innocent dog face” so nobody suspects me after the attacks.

Operation Incoming Fresh Meat is officially a go.

— Lucy 🐾